not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
