he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
