Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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