when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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