I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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