I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
