On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
