Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
