There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
