I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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