I heard we made out
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
