i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
