he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
