apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
