Your face is a jimmy john
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
