God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
