She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
