In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
