the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Help. Why am I so naked?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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