My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is wine microwaveable?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Randomize
