she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
