nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
how drunk are you?
Several
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
