I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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