i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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