Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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