I think I died a long time ago.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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