A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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