He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
