i permit you to call me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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