just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
