I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
