It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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