Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
