Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
