And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
