Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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