Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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