Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
