No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
