Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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