I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
