So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
