Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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