He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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