I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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