he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
