I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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