i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
