Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
