girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
