Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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