Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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