Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
