a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
