the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
