I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
