Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
