There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
